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Fuck yourself Hegemony

Haven't been doing presentation for a while, got so darn nervous this morning.
I was literally shivering. 

"stressed as hell" is an understatement to the situation I am in right now.
Didn't expect the hard time that I got myself into.
So I took a little rest today. Stayed at home and did nothing for a whole day.
Felt so good to be idle. Wonderful. I mean, WONDERFUL.

I guess when you get used to live without it,
you can live without it.
Maybe that's why I feel so light, light as a strand of smoke. 

Love Mondo. Mondo is my muse.

Love Bruno Mars. He is my hi-and-hey.

Love HURTS. They are my poetic gaze.

I embrace every side of me. Different sides remind me how humane I am.
Liveliness, heartbeat, breath. 
Sentimental, artistic, creative.
Tears, laugh, foul words.

Romanticism. Modernism. Post-modernism.

I would like to read William Haslett's short stories.
I would like to read Chuck Palahniuk's essays.
I would like to read Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights.
I would like to read Michel Foucault's Discipline and Punish.

We are the middle child of history. 

What are the best minds of my generation? 

 

らくじつ

突然又聽起東京事変的歌,
好的音樂永遠都不會厭,
追隨值得追隨的。

想打個電話追問一下iphone的下落,
Customer Service都打不通,
叫我怎麼甘心每個月付錢買這樣crappy的service。
Screw you, 3.

今天媽咪突然問我prefer男友公開求婚還是兩個人相處的時候求婚,
一時答不出來,
不過,好像還是兩個人的時候比較好,
畢竟有研究說有膽公開求婚的男人婚後domestic violence的機會較高,
而且結婚是兩個人的事,
真的沒必要「做戲咁做」。 

要被honours project這個陰霾跟隨著我for a whole fucking year
好令人不爽。
快要窒息了。

Miraculous.

唔通真係要黎?
雖然話想,但真係黎既時候又好似唔想。
女人真係矛盾。

今日同呀b得閒冇野做去科學館玩,
見到呢樣野,其實一見到已經吸引住我,唔捨得行開,
令我好震撼既係原來一個小生命就係咁誕生。

 

真係好神奇。
諗下我以前就係媽咪個肚入面就係咁既樣,
由一粒好似尾指指甲咁細既胚胎變到咁大既bb,
好神奇。(詞窮)

每個生命本身就已經係一個奇蹟,
bb永遠都係世上最美麗既事物。
不久既將來係我體內都會孕育一個(或多個)生命既奇蹟。
好期待。

突然間諗起,其實咁大個既bb應該已經掉左頭(即係頭向下),
不過我比較特別,我出世果時都係頭向上,
所以媽咪要開刀,
而且係佢個肚上面依然有一大條疤痕係度。

 

突然想起這句話,
感慨於人類(包括自己)一時被蒙蔽的愚蠢.

I find myself a hypocrite. But so you are.

宗教是否一種信念見仁見智,
但宗教能否導人向善才是最重要.
我執著於這一點, 似乎在信與不信之間找到了平衡,
同時亦衍生許多對於人的質疑.

90% impression.

覺得由第三者去幫自己了解自己是很pathetic,
最了解自己的suppose應該是自己.
畢竟於第三者面前的自己是performed self, a social self, 並不是your true self.
那是conscious的, 你要了解的並不是你已知的一面.
唯一可由第三者了解的自己,
body language和facial expression, 特別是難以控制的micro-expression,
這樣才能了解自己不了解的自己.
喜歡學習這樣的科學, 是因為它可讓我know a lot more than i should. 

我想是這樣, 去了解(並不是揭開)別人拼命隱藏的那一面, 是一種樂趣.

而這樣的我, 這樣害怕對上別人眼睛的我,

正在學習與人直視, read everything from his face. 

Talking about religion

尋日WSC 30週年聚餐, 除左野食麻麻同冷氣麻麻之外,
其他都好好.
我覺得令到呢個event好既地方唔係外在既野,
係你真係miss果度既人同物.

尋日見返好多臉孔已經成熟左但係又認得返既friends,
感覺唔係delighted果種激動,
係1種平淡但係持久既快樂, 係每1個moment都enjoy緊既感覺,
真係hopelessly devoted to you ;-)

之後去左傑傑屋企又通頂, 其實係因為尋晚唔想同佢地分開所以先會去,
意外地果晚既談話又令我有所得著, 真係好鍾意呢種令我有得著既談話.
入左大學之後access to religion多左好多, 特別係christian,
而自己都有呢種心想去認識, 所以就會暗暗地留意
傑傑解答左好多關於christian既問題, 雖然我地又會提出更多問題-_-
但係好inspiring既就係你睇到唔同人對於同1樣object抱有唔同既definition同opinion
大家1齊討論既時候認識會多左, 亦都有助於自己mentality
好想繼續傾落去!!
以後心態係點唔知,
不過我諗而家我既心態係相信有神, 不過我依然探索緊呢個神值唔值得我去信賴,
所以我更加要be into the discourse in order to understand more from different perspectives

仲有倩君演活了死物既演技真係出神入化
我估唔到原來死物都可以咁lively
 

 

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